I wish I could cry more

Occasionally on Facebook, I’ll see a post from someone who says “I’m writing this with tears streaming down my face.”

First, I think “yeah, right.” But in short order, I become a little envious of this person. Why? Because the only times in my adult life when I’ve had tears streaming down my face was when I’ve been suicidal. So many times, I’ve wished that I could cry more easily. Today’s an example: I had a bit of a rough day today. A good friend who promised he would come through for me didn’t do what he said he would. In no particular order, I was mad, hurt and upset.

I didn’t even consider crying in front of him. As hard as it is for me to shed tears, it’s even harder to let the dam burst in public. When I got home, I tried to cry. I really did. But all I could manage was a slight watering of my eyes.

Maybe this comes with being a man in America. When I tried to pick a photo for this very post, I went to my photo sharing site. Even when I typed man crying in the search field, there were very few photos showing men crying. In most, the men were yelling, slouching over at their desks with their faces hidden, or raising their clenched fists in the air.

But I don’t want to use this as an excuse. It may sound strange, but I believe that if I cried more, it would help my depression. It’s a very healthy release. And lets face it, hurt and pain have to get out of your system some way. The last thing I want is to store it all up. I’ve been suicidal before. I don’t want to be that way again.

If anyone has tips for learning to cry more, I’d love to hear about them in the comment section below.

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