New beginnings

New beginnings

My new nest

I haven’t posted for quite a while. That’s never a good way to begin a blog post, but life has been putting me through the ringer lately, and it took what little energy I had out of me.

For the better part of this year, I’ve known that I needed to find a new apartment when my lease expired. And for the better part of this year, I’ve been looking. And looking, And looking. It has been beyond frustrating. I love Boston. I have from the minute I started living here. But I’ve come to believe that there is no middle class in this city anymore. Rents all over this city have skyrocketed.

And the few affordable places I did find — well, let’s just say that I quickly learned the real estate lingo around here. “Cozy” means the apartment is the size of a closet. “Charming” means it’s a dump (but somehow, the dirt has character.) “Perfect for a grad student” means don’t even think of renting here if you’re over 30. Of course, no one will ever say that outright, because that’s illegal. But you quickly get the picture when you realize that you’re old enough to be the father of everyone in the building.

At least here in Massachusetts, if you’re a high functioning person with a mental illness, landlords can’t use that as a reason not to rent to you (unless you have a criminal record.) But while I’ve become better at hiding my depression when I need to, it has become harder and harder for me to hide my anxiety disorder. Several times, I wondered if people saw that side of me. I wondered if that was the reason I didn’t get the apartment.

I was about to give up. I was seriously considering leaving Boston. That would have meant not only saying goodbye to a city I love, but also saying goodbye to good friends, family–and my network of mental health doctors and support groups. That last one was no small matter. One of the unsung good things about Boston is that if you’re going to have a mental illness, this city is a good place to have it. Some of the best and most respected psychiatric doctors in the world train and practice here. I didn’t want to lose them.

But then I found this place–a tiny apartment in a very nice brownstone. It’s smaller than my old place, but I was prepared for that. As I said before, anything considered anywhere near affordable here is going to be small. But the apartment is bigger than a closet. I can live with that. The neighborhood is beautiful, I’m very close to public transportation (which is good, because I no longer drive), and there are lots of great (and even inexpensive) restaurants around here.

The other residents seem nice, too. They actually say hello to me, which is something of a miracle in a city where lots of people tend to be stand-offish. I don’t know for sure, but I have a feeling that several of them are part of my “tribe.” When you have a mental illness, you get pretty good at picking up on others who have a mental illness. This, so far, is a big plus for me. To quote a popular tune from the musical Rent, I feel like an “us” for once, instead of a “them.”

I also feel like an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m ready for the change. I’m ready for this new beginning.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

The Waltham Review

The Waltham Review: America's Choice in Nanomedia!

Lifestyle Blog: living with fear & anxiety

The real time thoughts of Sabrina

Eye Will Not Cry

"Eye Fly High"

Dearest Someone,

Writing about wellbeing

Dear Hope

Mental health advocacy through storytelling and art.

A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself

A Hopefully Formerly Depressed Human Vows To Practice Self-Approval

Megan Has OCD

About Mental Health, Daily Struggles, and Whatever Else Pops in My Head

My Wonderland. Mental Health Blog

Finding normality within Bipolarity. The inner musings of a chemically challenged manic-depressive. Mildly* asocial and a purveyor of awesome.


Healing Truth Artistry

Grief Happens

So Does Joy

I Want To Go To There

A Blog About: Coping with depression, the people and animals I love, and finding the things that make me really fucking happy.

Seth Adam Smith

Life Is Worth Living

The Elephant in the Room

Writing about my experiences with: depression, anxiety, OCD and Aspergers

Running Heartless

My transformation from Depressed Couch Potato to Disney Runner

Fred Colton

Posts To Delete Later

The Persistent Platypus

Life's journey may not always be easy, but being true to your unique self and finding laughter in the small things makes the adventure unforgettable!

Caffeine and Salt

Watch your step, I lost my meaning.

%d bloggers like this: