I like watching crowds. But being IN them? Not so much.

Yesterday, I posted about Stephen Colbert’s now-epic, star-studded We’ll Meet Again finale. All those guests, from all those different fields–what an uplifting sea of humanity.

But here’s something I didn’t consider until after I posted. If I would have been asked to be part of this finale, I would have declined. Why? I have social anxiety disorder–and crowds are one of my biggest anxieties. I graduated from Harvard this year, but did not attend any of the big ceremonies. My friends and family had a hard time understanding this, but I wasn’t ready. I got anxiety attacks just thinking about attending. So I watched the ceremonies online, in the comfort of my home–and alone.

I was quite content to deal with my Harvard graduation this way. But now, I’m thinking that I need to work on my way of thinking. The other day, one of my doctors said something that really stuck with me. He said, “Everyone faces anxiety. But anxiety, in and of itself, doesn’t kill. You may hate it, but it doesn’t kill. Avoidance, just might, colbert-report-final-showthough. Avoidance only makes anxiety worse. When anxiety escalates disproportionately, that’s where people get in to real trouble.”

I am trying my best to fight my fear of crowds. Tomorrow, I am attending a book party for an author whose book I copy edited. Yes, there’s a big part of me that does not want to go. But I’m going. I want to be there to support my friend on his achievement. And some day, if Stephen Colbert ever invites me to be part of a big crowd like this, I’d like to say, “yes.”



2 responses to “I like watching crowds. But being IN them? Not so much.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

The Waltham Review

The Waltham Review: America's Choice in Nanomedia!

Lifestyle Blog: living with fear & anxiety

The real time thoughts of Sabrina

Eye Will Not Cry

"Eye Fly High"

Dearest Someone,

Writing about wellbeing

Dear Hope

Mental health advocacy through storytelling and art.

A Narcissist Writes Letters, To Himself

A Hopefully Formerly Depressed Human Vows To Practice Self-Approval

Megan Has OCD

About Mental Health, Daily Struggles, and Whatever Else Pops in My Head

My Wonderland. Mental Health Blog

Finding normality within Bipolarity. The inner musings of a chemically challenged manic-depressive. Mildly* asocial and a purveyor of awesome.


Healing Truth Artistry

Grief Happens

So Does Joy

I Want To Go To There

A Blog About: Coping with depression, the people and animals I love, and finding the things that make me really fucking happy.

Seth Adam Smith

Life Is Worth Living

The Elephant in the Room

Writing about my experiences with: depression, anxiety, OCD and Aspergers

Running Heartless

My transformation from Depressed Couch Potato to Disney Runner

Fred Colton

Posts To Delete Later

The Persistent Platypus

Life's journey may not always be easy, but being true to your unique self and finding laughter in the small things makes the adventure unforgettable!

Caffeine and Salt

Watch your step, I lost my meaning.

%d bloggers like this: